Forever... but Really For Never

It annoys me when people say they will always be there for me but then no matter how long or hard you try to reach them they dont answer. My best friend said he'd always be there for me yet recently He doesnt answer my texts I called his phone the other night and it rang so I know it has nothing to do with that which makes me even more upset. I really need to talk to him. I was watching episodes of friend zone the other day and it made me feel things. I told him after he moved away in 8th grade how I felt about him and we talked about how he also felt the same way but we kinda ended it with that. I decided though I don't want it to end as just a memory of a middle school crush. We may not have the ideal situation when it comes to where we live n other stuff, but I think I want us to talk about something someday happening. We only have 2 more years until it will be a little easier to make it work. I know im only 16 and people would say I'm young and naive but I think I'm in love with my best friend and I don't think I could move on not at least trying to make something there. What is your opinions on this. As always more to come tomorrow <3

The Late Shift

TV makes it seem so easy to juggle school, sports, a boyfriend, friends, clubs, and have free time. In reality it is anything but easy. Tonight I had to work from 3-11:30 and last night I worked 5-11:30. I work at a drug/convenience store that is open 7am-11pm. so weekends I will get either 6:45am-3:00pm or 3or5pm-11:30pm these are my least favorite. Sundays I get 10am-5pm and weeknights 5-10:30 which isn't too bad but I feel like ever since I got a job I've had less time to have for me and everything else. I have no choice though, the day I turn 18 my dad doesn't have to give my mom child support for me so I have to save up now. Plus even right now money is tight so if I want something I must get it myself. I only make minimum wage and have ways to get extra but its always like only $ 4-10 extra every 2 weeks. I come home with my feet killing me, hungry and super tired. Then I go on instagram and snapchat and see all the fun I missed out on. I am also always paranoid because of the risk working that late especially when other locations of our store have been robbed. I must be thankful though because some people cant get jobs and I've had one since the day I turned 16. Plus I have met some really cool people and lots of stuff happens that makes me laugh and gives me stories to tell. Though I do wish we could eliminate annoying old people, long painful hours, little pay, and THE ANNOYING COUPONS!!! I'd also get rid of the people who think they are special and that we should cater to everything they want even if we are busy. So I want to hear stories from you guys about your jobs. Also start sharing my blog spread the word and get me more readers. As always more to come tomorrow <3

        

State of Mind

So my whole life... well as much as I remember I have always had issues sleeping. I sleep walk and talk a lot especially when away from home and I hallucinate things that seem so real that I wake up terrified that they are still right there next to my bed. So I found this I guess disorder called Narcolepsy. Its symptoms include sleep paralysis, hallucinations, and not being able to sleep for long periods of time which happens to me... a lot. It can also cause you to struggle to stay awake which if you know me is also always a problem. My mom says that is probably because of the thalassemia though. I found a site with simple things to do to stop it but I wanna know has anyone else heard of this. If the stuff doesn't help then maybe I will go to a sleep doctor and see what's really wrong. One thing is for sure though it may all be in my head literally but I know its not all in my head. Plus I know I am not the only high schooler with insomnia. Use this blog to vent, share, and give input. I want my blog to be as much yours as is mine. This will probably be one of the shorter blogs I will do but as always more to come tomorrow my lovelys <3
   

P.S. if you want to learn more about Narcolepsy visit this site: http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/narcolepsy/detail_narcolepsy.htm#261173201

Lost Causes

So if you like Greys Anatomy as much as I do then you may have heard the phrase Lost cause. A lost cause is when there is no hope of the person getting better. Now it is rare that you will hear someone say these words because they know no one wants to hear it like that. Instead they say they are doing everything they can but it doesn't look too good. Well right now in my life I feel like so many of my friendships, even ones I thought were best friends, are lost causes. So last summer I had a friend who I considered my best friend, but I don't think we are that anymore, we are barely friends now. Through trips with other people and other stuff I feel like she has replaced me. We had a moment this summer where I thought we reconnected but I dont know. The people she has replaced me with all have stuff to offer in their friendship that is more than I can and that doesn't help. Honestly I don't find it fair because the people who take her from me I feel can tell they are doing it plus they all already have their best friends so why take mine? There was also this guy who I had liked on in off since third grade all throughout middle. Goe moved away after middle school but we still talked. I've told him he's my best guy friend and I told him that out of all guys I liked him the most and he has even told me he likes me back. We talk all the time and he said . Lately though he hasn't been answering my texts. There are so many reasons that he can't but at the same time I cant help but think maybe he doesn't want to. It sucks because I do have one person who told me first that we are best friends and that it will always be that way but I cant focus on the fact that I have that because these others are getting to me. It also doesn't help that I've always been jealous and wanted my friends to myself even when I was like 5. Though in my defense their friends would always say things about me and tell my best friend to stop focusing on me. So here I am now 11 years later the same way and still dealing with those people. To relate it back to Grey's I am the surgeon doing all they can my friendship is on that surgical table and all these other people are the things attacking my patients insides.  

Bon Voyage

So tonight was amazing I got to lead connect group as always and talk to the guy I like and he gave me this bandana to give to someone and it smells like him. but theres a downside to that too because you see the guy I like he leaves sunday for a trip and he will be gone for a month and if his parents like it there they will be moving. there is a slight chance they will stay and that makes me happy but at the same time it makes me sad because I know this place would be so good since he wants to major in acting. I guess i have to tell him. at least there would be a month until I have to see him again. plus who knows maybe he will move away. And last 2 times I told someone I liked them it wasn't bad because we were still friends maybe even closer, well I guess its time...

So let me start by letting you know a little about me. See back in 7th grade I was just a normal dorky, heart broken, shy, middle school girl only having to deal with middle school stuff. But then my Papa died. it was one of the hardest things ever for me because it was the first person I ever had to lose. Plus it was so unexpected that I wasn't even able to say good bye. Then about a year later my Poppy died. That was a little easier to take because well he was 98 and had been in hospice for a while. Then a few months later my parents got divorced followed by my dog dying and most recently one of my two cats. So now in my house its me my mom my one cat and every other week my brother and sister but half the time they are with my Dad. So as you can see I have some pretty hard stuff going on and things were starting to go better, but I still face struggles. Like my mom yelling at me, grades, oh and the guy I like is moving away. I figured he might leave any way since he was a senior but I never thought he would leave so far. So baisicly this blog will be lie a diary for me.